FARCE-A Family Humor Magazine Edition 44 May 16, 2014

COMICS

The Sheltered Life   by  Joel Wilhelm   www.facebook.com/TheShelteredLife

The Professor  by  Pat Patenaude     ca.linkedin.com/pub/the-professor/7/a03/4b8

The Odds by  Bill Harvey      www.BeholdComics.com

The Birdfeeder  by  Ben Carlson     www.thebirdfeeder.com

Rogue Symmetry  by  Derrick Wood      www.gocomics.com/rogue_symmetry

Moxie  by  Shawn Raymond

 HUMOR

FARCE News

((AP)) Asocial Press

Star Wars Movie Beefing Up Security

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates - A media company backed by the Gulf federation's capital of Abu Dhabi announced Wednesday that the next installment of "Star Wars" is currently filming in the oil-rich Middle Eastern emirate.

This announcement comes on the heels of several key newspapers posting articles on their web sites that claim to have seen a massive security force encircling certain media company sites within Abu Dhabi. The reporters claim to have observed ‘a lot of people that look strangely alike’ exchanging guarded looks, slight nods, and an air of superiority with each other while gently pushing passerby away from suspected filming sites.

While he was unable to confirm what specific security measures were being taken, Paul Baker (executive director of twofour54 Intaj, the company's production services division) defended the intense secrecy surrounding the shoot.

“This is the most anticipated movie shooting this year so it's quite reasonably shrouded in secrecy. Therefore we felt it necessary to bring in a platoon of clones and a Jedi ."

Sources say that a tall man shrouded in brown and gray robes has been heard saying things to people in these filming areas like, “These are not the cameras you’re looking for,” and “You can go about your business,” as well as “Move along” in calm and reassuring tones which compel the people to comply.

Man Finds What He’s Looking for in Wife’s Purse

Stillwater, Maine – Frank Busby is the man of the hour in this small village just north of Bangor. It has been asserted that Frank may very well be the first man in recorded history to actually find what he was looking for in his wife’s purse.

“She asked me to find her red lipstick for her,” Frank explained happily. “I opened it up and was a bit overwhelmed, honestly. I mean, there is a woman’s entire life inside those things.”

Frank and his wife Jolene have been married for twenty-seven years, eighteen of which she has had and used the purse, and during those years he tried to help her find items, such as her keys, in that purse before but each time came up short.

“I had failed so many times before that I just had limited expectations. But, she yelled directions to me from our closet to help. I gotta tell ya, when she said to ‘take a left’, that put the size of her purse in perspective,” Frank added with a laugh. “But what really helped is when she told me not to take a right or I’d find things that make a man embarrassed. Sure enough she knew exactly where it was and I felt like Indiana Jones plucking that little statue off a pedestal right before that giant boulder began rolling after him.”

The purse is very old and the label had fallen off long ago but Frank is sure that its brand name was Sampsonite.

Reportedly, Guiness Book of World Records will be highlighting Frank’s marvelous feat in their next edition.

 Acknowledgements
           A very special Thank You to everyone who never gets told Thank You. You may not deserve it, as
           evidenced by the fact that you never get told Thank You, but Thanks anyway.

Headlines
           Gary Busey the only Los Angeles resident not invited to Kim and Kanye's wedding. Shouts angrily at
           lamp.

           World's Oldest Man attributes his longevity to good genes. Lands deal with Levi's.
           Man Delivers Baby Fawn. Mother appears tasty.
        
           Cast of Glee realize real life sucks. Unhappy.

           Most Americans can't swim. Swimming pools contain correspondingly less urine.

           Boston Bombers used Christmas lights. Jesus not thrilled.

Disclaimer
          Reading FARCE Magazine may reduce overall intelligence. The editors dismis clame as untrew an
          inflamatorie.

The End
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