The Sheltered Life by Joel Wilhelm www.facebook.com/TheShelteredLife
The Professor by Pat Patenaude ca.linkedin.com/pub/the-professor/7/a03/4b8
The Odds by Bill Harvey www.BeholdComics.com
++Aardvarks.JPG)
The Birdfeeder by Ben Carlson www.thebirdfeeder.com
Rogue Symmetry by Derrick Wood www.gocomics.com/rogue_symmetry
Moxie by Shawn Raymond
FARCE News
((AP)) Asocial Press
Star Wars Movie Beefing Up Security
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates - A
media company backed by the Gulf federation's capital of Abu Dhabi announced
Wednesday that the next installment of "Star Wars" is currently
filming in the oil-rich Middle Eastern emirate.
This announcement comes on the
heels of several key newspapers posting articles on their web sites that claim
to have seen a massive security force encircling certain media company sites
within Abu Dhabi. The reporters claim to have observed ‘a lot of people that
look strangely alike’ exchanging guarded looks, slight nods, and an air of
superiority with each other while gently pushing passerby away from suspected
filming sites.
While he was unable to confirm
what specific security measures were being taken, Paul Baker (executive
director of twofour54 Intaj, the company's production services division)
defended the intense secrecy surrounding the shoot.
“This is the most anticipated
movie shooting this year so it's quite reasonably shrouded in secrecy.
Therefore we felt it necessary to bring in a platoon of clones and a Jedi
."
Sources say that a tall man
shrouded in brown and gray robes has been heard saying things to people in
these filming areas like, “These are not the cameras you’re looking for,” and
“You can go about your business,” as well as “Move along” in calm and
reassuring tones which compel the people to comply.
Man Finds What He’s Looking for in Wife’s Purse
Stillwater, Maine – Frank Busby
is the man of the hour in this small village just north of Bangor. It has been
asserted that Frank may very well be the first man in recorded history to
actually find what he was looking for in his wife’s purse.
“She asked me to find her red
lipstick for her,” Frank explained happily. “I opened it up and was a bit
overwhelmed, honestly. I mean, there is a woman’s entire life inside those
things.”
Frank and his wife Jolene have
been married for twenty-seven years, eighteen of which she has had and used the
purse, and during those years he tried to help her find items, such as her
keys, in that purse before but each time came up short.
“I had failed so many times
before that I just had limited expectations. But, she yelled directions to me
from our closet to help. I gotta tell ya, when she said to ‘take a left’, that
put the size of her purse in perspective,” Frank added with a laugh. “But what
really helped is when she told me not to take a right or I’d find things that
make a man embarrassed. Sure enough she knew exactly where it was and I felt
like Indiana Jones plucking that little statue off a pedestal right before that
giant boulder began rolling after him.”
The purse is very old and the
label had fallen off long ago but Frank is sure that its brand name was
Sampsonite.
Reportedly,
Guiness Book of World Records will be highlighting Frank’s marvelous feat in
their next edition.
Acknowledgements
A very special Thank You to everyone who never gets told Thank You. You may not deserve it, as
evidenced by the fact that you never get told Thank You, but Thanks anyway.
Headlines
Gary Busey the only Los Angeles resident not invited to Kim and Kanye's wedding. Shouts angrily at
lamp.
World's Oldest Man attributes his longevity to good genes. Lands deal with Levi's.
Man Delivers Baby Fawn. Mother appears tasty.
Cast of Glee realize real life sucks. Unhappy.
Most Americans can't swim. Swimming pools contain correspondingly less urine.
Boston Bombers used Christmas lights. Jesus not thrilled.
Disclaimer
Reading FARCE Magazine may reduce overall intelligence. The editors dismis clame as untrew an
inflamatorie.
The End
FARCE Magazine is looking for new talent as we obviously have very little here to begin with. So, if you would like to become a contributor, please contact me, the Editor, at farcemagazine@gmail.com and allow us to help launch your successful career and when you're old and wrinkly you can look back and not remember that we helped you get your start. Now, please excuse me as I have to go chlorinate my swimming pool.
