FARCE-A Family Humor Magazine Issue 38, December 2013

COMICS

The Odds  by Bill Harvey       www.BeholdComics.com

The Birdfeeder  by Ben Carlson  www.thebirdfeeder.com

Moxie  by Shawn Raymond

The Sheltered Life  by Joel Wilhelm   www.facebook.com/TheShelteredLife

 Moxie Politick  by Shawn Raymond

PA has lost over 13,000 jobs in education since Governor Tom Corbett gained office. Mostly teachers.

Humor

Question of the Month

Online analysts have projected that Cyber Monday sales will reach $2.27 billion this year, making it the highest online shopping day in the nation’s history. What do you think?

“Well, if this fast food workers strike gets me a raise I might be able to afford a computer this year, and maybe next year I’ll be able to afford internet service, and then in three years maybe I’ll be able to cyber shop. That is, if the Affordable Care Act doesn’t bankrupt me first!” – Sally Falk, McDonalds Fry Cook, Salkirk, NM.

“Wow! With the economy as bad as it’s been the last few years it’s really nice to see the corporations finally getting deep into our pocketbooks again.” – Bob Wullf, Cabbie, NY City.

“And I want it all!” Jeff Bezoz, founder and CEO of Amazon, Inc., Seattle, WA

Amizonimus Prime ((AP)) Asocial Press

(Seattle) - Amazon founder Jeff Bezos recently announced Amazon’s plans to both “Sell everything on earth to everyone on earth” and then to “deliver it by drone”.  

“It is our intent to sell, literally, absolutely everything on earth that is sellable to every living human being” Bezos said in an interview with CBS correspondent Charlie Rose. “And because we want to redefine how we deliver our products I thought really hard how we can get better. And then one night, I saw an NSA drone spying through my office window and it hit me. Drones!”

The intent to use drones is driven by speed. Packages within a 10 mile radius of one of its distribution centers would arrive within 30 minutes of the order being placed online. No more waiting days for trucks to deliver packages on your front porch that should have been delivered to the house across the street. Now those packages can be delivered far more rapidly to the wrong house.

Reportedly, orders for plastic explosives and nuclear waste have jumped dramatically as al-Queda and other terror organizations’ operatives are jumping at the opportunity to avoid those messy suicide bombings and simply have the explosive devices delivered to the crowded bus station or hospital of their choosing by Amazon.

Unaffordable Health Care

(Washington) - The Obama Administration reported that Affordable Care Act sign ups ‘exploded’ in the month of November. Unofficially, the total number of citizens seeking affordable health care and actually signing up on the government web site now stands at six.

“I have publicly stated that if this Affordable Healthcare Act helps even one person get health insurance, then it would be worth all the hard work,“ said the President . “Mission accomplished.”

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney believes that by years end there should be several dozen signee’s making the 600 million dollars spent on the government web site a ‘real bargain’.

Vatican Being Proactive on Sex Abuse after only about a Thousand Years

Pope Francis is assembling a panel of experts to advise him on sex abuse in the clergy — a task that will involve looking at how to protect children from pedophiles, how to better screen men for the priesthood and how to help victims who have already been harmed.

But it remains unclear just who these experts will be and if the experts will take up one of the core issues behind the Catholic Church's sex abuse scandal: how to make bishops who shelter abusive priests accountable.

The meeting place for this as-yet-unnamed-group is logistically challenging as it must be located away from schools, day care centers, parks, playgrounds, Chuck E. Cheese’s, and other areas where children are known to frequent giving what some are calling ‘insight’ into just who these experts really are.

A special thanks to whomever invented the indecipherable wingding font. Obviously they are direct descendants of the Mayans , Egyptians, or cousin Eddie in New Jersey.

A heart-felt Thank You to FARCE Magazine's reader.You know who you are and you'd better hope we don't find out.

Thanks to Jeff Bezos of Amazon for giving the guys on Duck Dynasty more targets to shoot when package delivery by drone begins.

My apologies to the Catholic Church and the victims of child abuse suffered at the church's hands for making fun of a serious problem.

Thank you President Obama for making even former President George W. Bush look good in his second term.

And finally, thank you again Carrie Underwood for being even sexier than Faith Hill.


FARCE Magazine is looking for comic and humor contributors. Please contact the editor at farcemagazine@gmail.com to see if you can have your creations displayed here.