Monday, June 3, 2013

FARCE Magazine Edition 32 June, 2013

COMICS

 The Odds      by Bill Harvey                                                   www.BeholdComics.com


 Moxie      by Shawn Raymond


  

POLITICAL COMICS

     Moxie Politick      by Shawn Raymond


HUMOR



FARCE News
((AP)) Asocial Press




Lifetime Supply
(Richland Springs, Texas) 105 year old Pearl Cantrell says that her secret to longevity is bacon. She swears to have eaten bacon for every meal since she first grew teeth approximately sometime before the zipper was invented.

Oscar Meyer has awarded her with a ‘lifetime’ supply of bacon. Reportedly the retail value of the prize was a whopping $2.59. Says Oscar Meyer spokesman George Gammon, “We are very surprised she lasted this long eating so much that really isn’t good for her and find it likely that she won’t make it past next Tuesday. Still, she’s quite remarkable!”

Says Ms.Cantrell at her celebratory luncheon: “Nom nom nom.”




Star Light, Star Bright
(Houston)Two NASA space telescopes have captured what appears to be the most powerful star explosion ever detected, a cosmic event so luminous that scientists dubbed it "eye-wateringly bright" despite being 3.6 billion light-years from Earth.

On April 27, NASA's Swift Space Telescope and the Fermi Gamma-ray Space Telescope spotted the highest-energy gamma-ray burst (GRB) — an explosion of a massive star in the last stage of its life — ever before seen.

The American public has responded to this startling discovery with an emphatic bored sigh.



Never Know Who’s Next Door!
(Cleveland) After going missing over ten years ago three women were found being held captive in a house in suburban Cleveland, Ohio. As amazing as it is that not one single person in that community knew that Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus, and Michelle Knight were imprisoned right there amongst them during that time, it’s even more amazing that when investigators raided the home they also found Jimmy Hoffa’s body, Waldo, and a Yeti.
 



Unfavorability Poll
(Wyalusing) The results of a recent Facebook survey conducted by FARCE-A Family Humor Magazine overwhelmingly concludes that Pennsylvanians would rather be stung by a bee than re-elect current Governor Tom Corbett.

This result is actually an improvement from a similar poll conducted in November, 2012 that revealed that most Pennsylvanians would rather be eviscerated by a rabid badger than re-elect the unpopular Governor and a poll conducted immediately after the 2012 PA Budget was unveiled by the Governor revealed that at least one in four PA residents were even taking the extremist viewpoint of moving to New Jersey rather than re-elect the state’s top politician.

This newest survey shows a marked improvement in the Governor’s popularity in the widely influential BSAPID membership (‘Bee Sting Allergy-Posing-Imminent-Death’) demographic. Reportedly Governor Corbett smiled when told of this new poll although some witnesses, who talked with us on the condition of anonymity since they weren’t even in the same city at the time, say that the Governor’s upper lip was dry and merely stuck to his teeth giving only the impression of emotion.

This current poll had 3 respondents: 2 non-allergic to bee stings and 1 bee sting allergic.

Margin of error in percentage points: anyone’s guess.



FARCE-A Family Humor Magazine is free because, frankly,  people are smart enough to not waste their money on it while they could be investing wisely in badger farming or developing bacon flavored socks.

We are, however, seeking new cartoonists and humor writers to contribute to FARCE. If you have no life, like us, and are interested in sharing your work with the three people (including my mother) that actually read this, then send the editor a query ( or questions if you're out of queries) at farcemagazine@gmail.com.


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