The Odds by Bill Harvey www.BeholdComics.com
The Sheltered Life By Joel Wilhelm www.facebook.com/TheShelteredLife
The Professor by Pat Patenaude ca.linkedin.com/pub/the-professor/7/a03/4b8
The Birdfeeder by Ben Carlson www.thebirdfeeder.com
Rogue Symmetry by by Derrick Wood www.gocomics.com/rogue_symmetry
Moxie by Shawn Raymond
Humor
FARCE News ((AP)) Asocial Press
Most
Americans Can’t Swim
Del Mar, CA - A recent study done by both the University of
Canton (PA) and the University of Del Mar (CA) has provided the clearest
insight as to the changing habits of America’s youth. Due heavily to the
proliferation of electronic devices in our youth culture, such as smart phones
and tablets, today’s children are far less likely to venture outside and
participate in the traditional activities that have marked the passage of time
for those of us in the forty-something-plus set. Since children can find
entertainment so easily while lounging on the sofa, or lounging on their bed,
or lounging at the local McDonald’s using their free wi-fi service, they do not
feel compelled to venture outside.
The study has found that these new habits are to blame for a
large reduction in crank calls, the near extinction of the Flaming bag of
Doggy-doo prank, and the ages old activities of ‘Snipe Hunting’ and ‘Cow
Tipping’ are an all but forgotten art. Toilet papering a person’s lawn, while
still remaining the most popular youth activity that involves the outdoors, has
become a mere nuisance to even the worst teachers who have traditionally borne
the brunt of our toilet papering ire. Mail boxes are no longer targets too
tempting for a baseball bat wielding hoodlum to pass up as there is now an app
for that.
Perhaps most surprising of all is the troubling fact that
the vast majority of today’s youth cannot swim. Although most children can make
Mario swim past, over, around, and through all kinds of hazards and climb out
the other end of a dark, submerged pipe with no ill effects the children
themselves have no actual ability to convey themselves through a body of water.
Experts believe that since there are far fewer children actually learning to
swim today then the levels of urine inside swimming pools across the country
have fallen dramatically. Much like your kid will should they venture too close
to a body of water and fall in because they are watching their cell phones and
not where they are going.
The Universe is still expanding.
Headlines
The Universe Expanding at same rate as Rush Limbaugh's Self-Importance.
No Fire in Pennsylvania's Governor's Mansion. Just Re-election Hopes Going Up In Smoke.
D-Day Celebrations Misunderstood by High Schoolers. Not a Day Celebrating Poor Grades.
Bill Cosby Wears Sweatpants to Funeral. No One Cares.
High School Girl Scarlett Johannson Look-a-Like Can't Get a Date to Prom. Male Classmates Completely Stupid...
Disclaimer
If your garbage was strung across your lawn yesterday, it was not us.
The End
FARCE Magazine is looking for new talent as we obviously have very little here to begin with. So, if you would like to become a contributor, please contact me, the Editor, at farcemagazine@gmail.com and allow us to help launch your successful career and when you're old and wrinkly you can look back and not remember that we helped you get your start. Now, please excuse me as I have to go place a flaming bag of doggy-doo on my neighbor's stoop.
