Edition 26 - FARCE Magazine

Comics
Moxie by Shawn Raymond

 

Moxie POLITICK by Shawn Raymond

Humor

Excuse my French

The Minister's three young daughters sang a chorus in church with each verse sung in a different language. I was impressed by this and, after church, asked them if they were taking those languages in school.

"No," the 7 year old answered. "I only know three other words in French."

"Well," I said, "What are they?"

She smiled and proudly answered, "French Toast, French Poodle, and French Fry!"



 FARCE News
 From the Asocial Press ((AP))


Former President Fully Recovered

Former President George W. Bush has undergone intense therapy for the past several months to deal with an issue that plagued him throughout his life and was continuously highlighted throughout his 8 year presidency. Through hard work, persistence, and the unerring ability that he demonstrated every day of his 2 terms in office to trudge through any difficulty, he has persevered and conquered this debilitating condition. He can now clearly enunciate and correctly pronounce the word 'nuclear'.


Snooki Delays Run for Presidency

While preparing for an eventual run for the nations highest office Snooki studied the storied presidential career of former President Ronald Reagan for inspiration since he was a Hollywood Star and she is a Hollywood wannabe so they have a lot in common.

After learning the nature of his Star Wars Defense Plan, however, she had a dramatic change of heart and has now scaled back her presidential ambitions.

Says Snookie, "I was surprised to find out that Ronald Reagan's Star Wars Defense Initiative was, in fact, about missiles and not about training Jedi Knights. I just wouldn't feel safe without them in my Secret Service detail."

Obi-Wan Kenobi was unavailable for comment.


The Tweeting Pope

The pope has a Twitter account. Followers of Pope Benedict will be able to read his 140-character messages under his new handle, @pontifex.

So the whole world will be able to receive and understand his messages the Pope's Tweets will be written in Latin, Enochian (reportedly the Angel dialect), and Tongues.


To be Successful, You must Wear the Right Undergarments, says Kobe Bryant.

Kobe Bryant had seen enough.
Another humiliating loss to another bad team Sunday night had the Lakers co-captain ready to take on the whole team if his teammates don't start getting their games — and attitudes — together.

"Put your big-boy pants on," Kobe said with a trace of disgust in his voice. "By that I mean go to Macy's, buy the Kobe Bryant Boxers (action figure included) for $29.99 which will support some third world child who made them, add to my personal fortune, and make you feel just like I do although they might not cause you to play as hard as I do because I am great and you guys are just mediocre. Except Metta (World Peace). He's pretty good."

Kobe Bryant Boxer sales immediately jumped higher than Pau Gasol ever has.

 FARCE Magazine is looking for non-syndicated cartoonists and writers. Contact the editor at farcemagazine@gmail.com .

Issue 25 FARCE Magazine

Moxie   by Shawn Raymond

 Moxie Politick   by Shawn Raymond

Humor:

Hurricane Sandy caused much destruction and suffering for many people along the East Coast. At my house, we were fortunate in that we only lost power for a day and wind damage was little more than a turned over Adirondack chair.

When my teenage daughter woke up and discovered that we had no power she wasn't very concerned and went straight to her wi-fi enabled i-pod Touch.

This was our conversation:

Daughter: "What's wrong with my stupid i-pod?"

Me : "Because the power is off the wi-fi doesn't work."

Daughter : "What does that have to do with my i-pod? I don't have it plugged in."

Me : "The modem and router need power for you to connect your wireless devices with the internet. No power, no wi-fi."

Daughter : "Uuuuugh! Now what are we gonna do?"

Me : "We could talk, or play a board game, or read a book, or, hey, where are you going?"

Daughter : "I'm gonna call my friends," she said picking up the cordless phone.

Me : "That won't work either."

Daughter : "But, it's not plugged in!"

Me : "The base needs power for the cordless to work."

Daughter : "Then I'll use your cellphone."

Me : 'Sorry, the battery's almost depleted. We need to conserve it for emergency."

Daughter : "This is an emergency. Without that phone I'll have to talk with you!"

And that clearly defines a parents relationship with today's modern teenager.





High Water   by Shawn Raymond
Let me just say right now that I am well known among friends and family to have an eclectic amusement threshold.  It is an affliction that my wife would sincerely like me to be cured of, but since I am 47 and still maintain the humor of a 7 year old, that seems quite unlikely to happen any time soon. I’m amused by anything from babies laughing to toilet humor.  So, consider that a warning and take time now to consider your options.

Option 1: Continue to read and risk the depths of odd humor being even deeper than you think you’re prepared for.

Option 2: Discontinue reading and forever wonder about the resulting hole in your life that may never be filled should you not continue.

Option 3: Cure cancer.

Yes, these are your only options. Certainly the third option is by far the most desirable, yet I find myself doubting that if you’re still reading this you’re actually smart enough to pull it off. No offense, but, really, think about it.

Modern society gives us many reasons to be frightened; nuclear holocaust, flesh-eating bacteria, terrorism, and being stuck in an elevator with a flatulent fat man. Still, I recently encountered an event that may well rank far ahead of these on the list of worst case scenarios.

Last week I stepped into a public restroom and right about now you’re beginning to wonder if, perhaps, choosing option 1 might not have been such a good idea. Anyway, as I entered to do ‘my business’ I found a row of urinals closest to the door followed by a row of stalls further on that spread out to the far wall which had dark brownish smudges on it. This concerned me as I could not tell if it was feces (there was a baby changing table very close by and from my own experience with my children understand that just about anything can explode from the inside of a baby in the microseconds either after you open the dirty diaper for replacement or just prior to covering the danger zone), dried blood from a murder that the clean-up crew ‘accidentally’ missed(which made me consider exactly how many blind murder scene clean-up technicians are employed by the county), or perhaps fudge. As a defense mechanism my mind always ascribes to the tastiest interpretation and so I chose to believe that it was fudge smudge.

In a public restroom the choice of which urinal to use is basically a no brainer if no one is standing at one already. It’s your playground so feel free. If someone is there it then becomes far more complicated and every man should learn the algorithm used to make a correct choice. The number of urinals available and the location of the urinal being used are just two components to consider. For example, if there are 6 urinals you simply choose the furthest one not being used. Even if urinal number three is being used you can still manage to maintain a 2 urinal distance from the next guy. If urinal three and five are occupied you can neatly step into number one and still maintain a one urinal cushion which is, as public bathroom etiquette dictates, the minimum allowable distance. You never want to step up to a urinal immediately adjacent to one currently being used for reasons that shouldn’t need to be discussed here, especially if there are six urinals and five are unoccupied. That’s just creepy. If there are two urinals, wait. Yes, I know that this defeats the purpose of having a second urinal but I simply consider the second one a back-up in case of mechanical failure, like a generator, or a kitten (in case an older cat dies, which is inevitable, and you won’t be left with that empty nest syndrome and drown in depression).

I, however, had another choice to make because I had to do that which causes a man to sit without the need for a remote control or a sandwich. I was faced with four stalls, all of whose doors were ajar which allowed me to easily identify the cleanest available seat because when it comes to this business cleanest is best and it trumps any spacing etiquette. There’s a wall separating each toilet so a side-by-side is not entirely inappropriate as long as you keep your stance narrow.

Stall four had seen heavy use. Clearly, a circus elephant had used that stall as the toilet was full and the contents looked more solid than liquid. No single human being could possibly produce that much waste in a single sitting unless, perhaps, they were on their way to a colonoscopy. Suddenly I realized that it was not likely fudge smudge on the wall.

Stall three had a cracked seat. Here’s something I learned as a child in rural Pennsylvania on my great aunt’s farm: never sit on a cracked toilet seat. She had no running water in her house so you did your business in an outhouse. Hers had a cracked seat and I can still feel the sting of the pinch on my left leg as I sat down and scooched my bony little butt back into the proper position, my body weight causing the seat to shift. I was deathly frightened of the outhouse with its bees and spiders and my uncle’s jokes about the woodchuck living under the outhouse, so I leaped off the seat and flew out the door while still pulling my underwear and pants over my knees certain that I had been stung, or bitten by that woodchuck, or perhaps even by a rattle snake.

Stall two was acceptable, but it had the disadvantage of being right next to the toilet with the broken seat and the still painful childhood memories (mine, not the toilet’s).

Stall one was just right.

My Theory of Public Restroom Stall Choice is this: most people will hold it until they get home or until their intestines reach critical mass and rupture is imminent. Only the desperate will actually use a public restroom, such as criminals on the run, the violently ill, or, evidently, circus elephants.

Still, if public restrooms are utilized it is an unexplainable phenomenon that draws us to the seat in the back, just like when going to church. Perhaps it is the evolutionary holdover of protecting the clan by moving everyone to the back of the cave when Krulk, the clan idiot, tried to bell the saber tooth cat. So, with stall number one looking okay, I ventured in.

It is an amazing fact that some normally intelligent people will become brain dead after entering a public restroom. They leave their wallets on the sink, or drop their cell phones or fire crackers in the toilet, stand on a toilet to evade police pursuit and break their ankle when they fall in, etc., etc… While I was sitting there, desperately trying to accomplish my business, someone entered and ran to stall four banging the door open. I had a sneaking suspicion that I was in trouble.

Whoever it was that entered must have had no synaptic brain activity because he attempted to flush the toilet in stall four. Almost immediately I heard the sound of water hitting the floor. The guy cursed and ran out. I silently hoped that his intestines ruptured before he found another working toilet.

I bent over and could see the water collecting behind the toilets along the wall and it was rising. I had visions of wet, smelly pants and shoes and having to pass people on my way out. I think I was more concerned with the idea that people would think I was responsible for this fiasco instead of being a victim of it than I was with getting wet. Maybe there was a surveillance camera and a forensics CSI team would track me down at work and embarrass me in front of my co-workers. Names such as ‘Flood Zone’ and ‘Saggy Baggy Wet Pants’ would circulate faster than Snooki at a frat party. I almost wished that the situation was different such as a criminal breaking into my stall to hide from the police instead of the horror of being trapped by rising fecal water. Suddenly, I became the La Maz coach that I should have been for my wife when she delivered our children. Unfortunately, no amount of breathing and pushing was going to get it done in time. The wet slapping sound of circus elephant feces hitting the floor filled me with urgency.

Fortunately, stall number one was on high ground and the water pooled around me while completely covering the floor under the other stalls leaving me high and dry and highly relieved. I escaped unscathed. My fear of public restrooms, however, has exponentially increased and I will never, ever, enter one when the circus is in town.

FARCE Magazine is looking for non-syndicated, amateur, hobbyist cartoonists and humor writers. If interested in having your material published on this blog and the FARCE Magazine website, please, contact the editor at farcemagazine@gmail.com.
 

FARCE Magazine - A Family Humor Magazine

MOXIE   by Shawn Raymond

 

Moxie Politick

HUMOR

My daughter was having trouble falling asleep at night because of her fear of the dark and required the hall light be on outside her room.

It was late, I was tired, and on my way to bed I turned off the hall light thinking she was asleep. The house went completely black and I fell into my bed.

"Hey," she whined loudly, "turn that back on!"

"Close your eyes and you won't know it's not on," I asserted gruffly as I snugged my pillow close, even then knowing that logic would not win the day with a scared 5 year old.

"But I need it on!" And so she whined for several more minutes before I turned on the small bedside lamp beside me I used when I got up at 5 a.m. so as not to disturb anyone else.

Her response? "I can't see that!"

My wife and I laughed and I turned the hall light back on.

Stages of Ages

There are several stages of progression up the timeline of life where you become older and notice it. The first is when you're in line at the movie theater and the teenage ticket stub tearer says, "Thank you, sir." It's polite and innocuous but still hammers you in the head. It's a memory that sticks with you forever, like accidentally walking in on Mom and Dad while they are "Just looking for a quarter I lost!" under the bed sheets. It's unsettling. I had become a 'sir'.

The second is when you realize that you can't do the same things anymore without groaning or grunting, such as bending over to tie your shoes which you now have to do while sitting when you had always done that while standing. To further humble your ego you also find that the stretch required to tie those shoes is further complicated by the sudden roll of something very fat-like folded up around your waist like a 'swimmies' inner-tube. Very often this more difficult task is also accompanied by the unanticipated, no warning, breaking of wind. I used to laugh at my Dad when he did that. It's not so funny anymore.

It seems that the next stage is almost entirely hair related. I have always had a high hair line, my family is noted for that, but it wasn't until I hit my forties that I realized that the receding hair line was actually my hair migrating from my head going  down my neck. My barber was now spending more time trimming my neck to my shoulders than my head. I fully expect that one day in my late fifties or, perhaps sixties, I'll wake up to find my head bald and my back looking like a silverback gorillas' back. And let's not forget about the hair that suddenly springs out of your ears and nose. When you go the mall and a kiosk employee wants to braid your nose hair you know it's time to buy a trimmer and weed that garden.

I'm certain that as I continue to age I'll discover even more disturbing milestones. My grandmother had 'walking gas'. You know, when with every shuffle of her feet she broke wind and either could not hear it or was old enough to not care anymore. Of course, she was 100 years old and had a hairy back. Now that's something to look forward to.

Comic Strips from FARCE Magazine Edition 23 - June 11,2012

COMIC STRIPS
Moxie by Shawn Raymond

Moxie Politick by Shawn Raymond

HUMOR

A Golf Story

John's not a great golfer - in fact, he stinks. But he's always working on his game, trying to improve. One afternoon, after a typically crappy round of golf, John is interrupted by a police officer as he's throwing his clubs in the car. "Did you tee off on the 17th hole about 20 minutes ago?"
"Why, yes I did officer." John replied.
"Did you by any chance hook your ball over the trees to the left, out of bounds?" asked the officer.
"Yep, I believe I did." John answered. "How'd you know?"
"Well," said the officer in a very serious tone, "Your golf ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a car's windshield. The driver lost control, causing a 5 car pile-up and a small explosion. Three people went to the hospital with injuries. I'd like to know what you're going to do about it?"
John sat there, seemingly saddened by the devastation caused by his errant tee shot. After much though, the he responded...
"I think I'll aim more to the right, close up my stance, tighten my grip and roll my right thumb over a bit."

Talking Dog For Sale

It was a nice weekend, so John spent the morning driving around looking for yard sales. After just a few minutes looking, he spots a sign posted in someone's yard that reads "Talking Dog For Sale."
Interested in what this might actually be, John knocks on the door. The owner calmly tells him the dog is in the backyard. So he goes back there, and sees a German Shepherd sitting there next to a small doghouse.
"You talk?" John asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies. Much to John's surprise!
"Umm, yeah... so, what's the deal. How can you talk? What's your story?"
The Golden Retriever looks upward with the most sincere eyes and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
John is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar."




FARCE Magazine is looking for humor writers and cartoonists. Contact the editor at farcemagazine@gmail.com.

Comic Strips from FARCE Magazine Edition 22 June 4,2012

Comic Strips

'Moxie' by Shawn Raymond

HUMOR

Children and Childbirth

The baby was coming way too fast so the paramedics were called. To make it worse, when they arrived, there was a power outage. 

The paramedics asked the four year old sister to hold the flashlight for them.

Despite the difficulties, all went well and the mother delivered a baby boy. The paramedic smacked him on the behind and he began to cry.

Looking over at the wide eyed little girl, the paramedic asked her what she thought about what she had just witnessed. She said, "That naughty boy should have never crawled in there. Spank him again!"

Child Psychology

A new teacher thought she would use what she learned in her psychology courses. She said to her class, "Everyone who thinks they are stupid, please stand up."
After a few seconds, one boy stood.

"Do you think you're stupid?" she asked.
"No, ma'am, but I just didn't want you to have to stand there all by yourself."




FARCE Magazine is looking for cartoonists and humor writers. Contact the editor at farcemagazine@gmail.com

 

FARCE Magazine Comic Strips and Humor Blog Edition 21

COMIC STRIPS 
Moxie by Shawn Raymond

HUMOR 

Actual Headlines that make you scratch your head.

Headline #1

 “Vereb bill aimed at protecting student-athletes headed to Gov. Corbett's desk. “

Although this is serious legislation, after reading the above headline on the Morning Call blog ‘Capital Ideas’, I just couldn’t help but wonder exactly how many student-athletes have sustained injury while visiting Governor Corbett’s desk!

Evidently enough to enact legislation to protect them.

He’s obviously tough on football coaches (there was no bill aimed at protecting Joe Paterno’s job, unfortunately!), but I had no idea he was so rough with students as well.

                                                                                    -FARCE Magazine Editor

Headline #2

Nadia Lockyer's hearing on restraining-order request is postponed -- ex-lover nowhere to be found

   (The above headline is from a California newspaper. Insert sarcasm in your mind when reading editor’s comment below).

 Go ahead and delay that restraining order because, obviously, if he’s hiding then just the threat of the restraining order is enough to scare this fellow away. Case dismissed!                                                                                                                                

                                                                                            FARCE Magazine Editor

 

 

KIDS' THOUGHTS ON LIFE

"Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching." -Andrew, Age 9
"Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." -Rocky, age 9
"Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." -Stephanie, age 8
"Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." -Lamar, age 10
"Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your  parents are doing taxes." -Carrol, age 9
"Never bug a pregnant mom." -Nicholas, age 11
"Don't ever be too full for dessert." -Kelly, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?'  don't answer him." -Heather, age 16
"Never tell your mom her diet's not working." -Michael, age 14
"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." -Joel, age 12
"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone." -Alyesha, age 13
"Never try to baptize a cat." -Laura, age 13
"Never spit when on a roller coaster." -Scott, age 11
"Never do pranks at a police station." -Sam, age 10
"Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." -Rob, age 10
"Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." -Hank, age 12
"Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand." -Molly, age 11
"Listen to your brain. It has lots of information." -Chelsey, age 7
"Stay away from prunes." -Randy, age 9
"Never dare your little brother to paint the family car." -Phillip, age 13
"Forget the cake, go for the icing." -Cynthia, age 8
"Remember the two places you are always welcome-church and  Grandma's house." -Joanne, age 11
"When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents." -Matthew, age 12

 FARCE Magazine is looking for cartoonists and writers that would like to contribute. Contact the editor at farcemagazine@gmail.com

FARCE Magazine Edition 20 Comic Strips and Humor Week of May 21, 2012

Comic Strips

Moxie by Shawn Raymond

Humor

USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.


 The Not So Good Son-In-Law

"Boss," I said tentatively, "my mother-in-law is arriving at the airport tomorrow, but she'll only come if I can pick her up."
 

"We're short-handed this week" the boss replied. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," I said, "I knew I could count on you!"





FARCE Magazine is looking for anyone with a non-syndicated comic strip or humor column, story, or joke that would like to contribute to our content.  
Contact the editor at farcemagazine@gmail.com

 

Edition 19 Week of May 14, 2012

COMICS
Moxie   by Shawn Raymond

Humor

Thankful That They’re Memories

As I was driving home in the rain, I passed the little league field. A big smile grew upon my face as I remembered days gone by of sitting in the rain watching my children play ball. Then my smile got bigger as I realized that I don't have to do that anymore!

-Karen B.

THE LORD'S PRAYER Rather cleverly done. This is in two parts, the prayer (in blue type) and GOD(in red type) in response. It is very, very good. ********* Our Father Who Art In Heaven. Yes? Don't interrupt me. I'm praying. But -- you called - ME! Called you? No, I didn't call you. I'm praying. Our Father who art in Heaven. There -- you did it again! Did what? Called ME. You said, "Our Father who art in Heaven" Well, here I am.... What's on your mind? But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like fulfilling a duty. Well, all right. Go on. Okay, Hallowed be thy name . Hold it right there. What do you mean by that? By what? By "Hallowed be thy name"? It means, it means . . good grief, I don't know what it means. How in the world should I know? It's just a part of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean? It means honored, holy, wonderful. Hey, that makes sense.. I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before. Thanks. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Do you really mean that? Sure, why not? What are you doing about it? Doing? Why, nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control, of everything down here like you have up there. We're kinda in a mess down here you know. Yes, I know; but, have I got control of you? Well, I go to church. That isn't what I asked you. What about your bad temper? You've really got a problem there, you know. And then there's the way you spend your money -- all on yourself. And what about the kind of books you read ? Now hold on just a minute! Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the rest of those People at church! Excuse ME.. I thought you were praying for my will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it. Like you -- for example .. Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others. So could I. I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be really free. Good. Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together -- You and ME. I'm proud of You. Look, Lord, if you don't mind, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does. Give us this day, our daily bread. You need to cut out the bread.. You're overweight as it is. Hey, wait a minute! What is this? Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my hang-ups. Praying is a dangerous thing. You just might get what you ask for. Remember, you called ME -- and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep praying. ( pause .. . ) Well, go on. I'm scared to. Scared? Of what? I know what you'll say. Try ME. Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. What about Ann? See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories. She never paid back the money she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her! But -- your prayer -- What about your prayer? I didn't -- mean it.. Well, at least you're honest. But, it's quite a load carrying around all that bitterness and resentment isn't it? Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her. Boy, have I got some plans for her. She'll wish she had never been born. No, you won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. You know how unhappy you are -- Well, I can change that. You can? How? Forgive Ann. Then, I'l l forgive you; And the hate and the sin, will be Ann's problem -- not yours. You will have settled the problem as far as you are concerned. Oh, you know, you're right. You always are. And more than I want revenge, I want to be right with You . . (sigh). All right, all right . . I forgive her. There now! Wonderful! How do you feel? Hmmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all! In fact, I feel pretty great! You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight. I haven't been getting much rest, you know. Yeah, I know. But, you're not through with your prayer, are you? Go on.... Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted. What do you mean by that? You know what I mean. Yeah. I know. Okay. Go ahead... Finish your prayer. For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen. Do you know what would bring me glory -- What would really make me happy? No, but I'd like to know. I want to please you now.. I've really made a mess of things.. I want to truly follow you... I can see now how great that would be. So, tell me . . . How do I make you happy? YOU just did.

Editor's Note: FARCE Magazine is looking for submissions of comic strips and written humor material from amateur and/or professional non-syndicated sources. If you'd like to display your work, please contact me at farcemagazine@gmail.com . Thanks.