FARCE Magazine Comic Strips and Humor Blog Edition 21

COMIC STRIPS 
Moxie by Shawn Raymond

HUMOR 

Actual Headlines that make you scratch your head.

Headline #1

 “Vereb bill aimed at protecting student-athletes headed to Gov. Corbett's desk. “

Although this is serious legislation, after reading the above headline on the Morning Call blog ‘Capital Ideas’, I just couldn’t help but wonder exactly how many student-athletes have sustained injury while visiting Governor Corbett’s desk!

Evidently enough to enact legislation to protect them.

He’s obviously tough on football coaches (there was no bill aimed at protecting Joe Paterno’s job, unfortunately!), but I had no idea he was so rough with students as well.

                                                                                    -FARCE Magazine Editor

Headline #2

Nadia Lockyer's hearing on restraining-order request is postponed -- ex-lover nowhere to be found

   (The above headline is from a California newspaper. Insert sarcasm in your mind when reading editor’s comment below).

 Go ahead and delay that restraining order because, obviously, if he’s hiding then just the threat of the restraining order is enough to scare this fellow away. Case dismissed!                                                                                                                                

                                                                                            FARCE Magazine Editor

 

 

KIDS' THOUGHTS ON LIFE

"Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching." -Andrew, Age 9
"Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." -Rocky, age 9
"Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." -Stephanie, age 8
"Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." -Lamar, age 10
"Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your  parents are doing taxes." -Carrol, age 9
"Never bug a pregnant mom." -Nicholas, age 11
"Don't ever be too full for dessert." -Kelly, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?'  don't answer him." -Heather, age 16
"Never tell your mom her diet's not working." -Michael, age 14
"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." -Joel, age 12
"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone." -Alyesha, age 13
"Never try to baptize a cat." -Laura, age 13
"Never spit when on a roller coaster." -Scott, age 11
"Never do pranks at a police station." -Sam, age 10
"Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." -Rob, age 10
"Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." -Hank, age 12
"Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand." -Molly, age 11
"Listen to your brain. It has lots of information." -Chelsey, age 7
"Stay away from prunes." -Randy, age 9
"Never dare your little brother to paint the family car." -Phillip, age 13
"Forget the cake, go for the icing." -Cynthia, age 8
"Remember the two places you are always welcome-church and  Grandma's house." -Joanne, age 11
"When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents." -Matthew, age 12

 FARCE Magazine is looking for cartoonists and writers that would like to contribute. Contact the editor at farcemagazine@gmail.com

FARCE Magazine Edition 20 Comic Strips and Humor Week of May 21, 2012

Comic Strips

Moxie by Shawn Raymond

Humor

USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.


 The Not So Good Son-In-Law

"Boss," I said tentatively, "my mother-in-law is arriving at the airport tomorrow, but she'll only come if I can pick her up."
 

"We're short-handed this week" the boss replied. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," I said, "I knew I could count on you!"





FARCE Magazine is looking for anyone with a non-syndicated comic strip or humor column, story, or joke that would like to contribute to our content.  
Contact the editor at farcemagazine@gmail.com

 

Edition 19 Week of May 14, 2012

COMICS
Moxie   by Shawn Raymond

Humor

Thankful That They’re Memories

As I was driving home in the rain, I passed the little league field. A big smile grew upon my face as I remembered days gone by of sitting in the rain watching my children play ball. Then my smile got bigger as I realized that I don't have to do that anymore!

-Karen B.

THE LORD'S PRAYER Rather cleverly done. This is in two parts, the prayer (in blue type) and GOD(in red type) in response. It is very, very good. ********* Our Father Who Art In Heaven. Yes? Don't interrupt me. I'm praying. But -- you called - ME! Called you? No, I didn't call you. I'm praying. Our Father who art in Heaven. There -- you did it again! Did what? Called ME. You said, "Our Father who art in Heaven" Well, here I am.... What's on your mind? But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like fulfilling a duty. Well, all right. Go on. Okay, Hallowed be thy name . Hold it right there. What do you mean by that? By what? By "Hallowed be thy name"? It means, it means . . good grief, I don't know what it means. How in the world should I know? It's just a part of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean? It means honored, holy, wonderful. Hey, that makes sense.. I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before. Thanks. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Do you really mean that? Sure, why not? What are you doing about it? Doing? Why, nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control, of everything down here like you have up there. We're kinda in a mess down here you know. Yes, I know; but, have I got control of you? Well, I go to church. That isn't what I asked you. What about your bad temper? You've really got a problem there, you know. And then there's the way you spend your money -- all on yourself. And what about the kind of books you read ? Now hold on just a minute! Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the rest of those People at church! Excuse ME.. I thought you were praying for my will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it. Like you -- for example .. Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others. So could I. I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be really free. Good. Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together -- You and ME. I'm proud of You. Look, Lord, if you don't mind, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does. Give us this day, our daily bread. You need to cut out the bread.. You're overweight as it is. Hey, wait a minute! What is this? Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my hang-ups. Praying is a dangerous thing. You just might get what you ask for. Remember, you called ME -- and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep praying. ( pause .. . ) Well, go on. I'm scared to. Scared? Of what? I know what you'll say. Try ME. Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. What about Ann? See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories. She never paid back the money she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her! But -- your prayer -- What about your prayer? I didn't -- mean it.. Well, at least you're honest. But, it's quite a load carrying around all that bitterness and resentment isn't it? Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her. Boy, have I got some plans for her. She'll wish she had never been born. No, you won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. You know how unhappy you are -- Well, I can change that. You can? How? Forgive Ann. Then, I'l l forgive you; And the hate and the sin, will be Ann's problem -- not yours. You will have settled the problem as far as you are concerned. Oh, you know, you're right. You always are. And more than I want revenge, I want to be right with You . . (sigh). All right, all right . . I forgive her. There now! Wonderful! How do you feel? Hmmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all! In fact, I feel pretty great! You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight. I haven't been getting much rest, you know. Yeah, I know. But, you're not through with your prayer, are you? Go on.... Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted. What do you mean by that? You know what I mean. Yeah. I know. Okay. Go ahead... Finish your prayer. For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen. Do you know what would bring me glory -- What would really make me happy? No, but I'd like to know. I want to please you now.. I've really made a mess of things.. I want to truly follow you... I can see now how great that would be. So, tell me . . . How do I make you happy? YOU just did.

Editor's Note: FARCE Magazine is looking for submissions of comic strips and written humor material from amateur and/or professional non-syndicated sources. If you'd like to display your work, please contact me at farcemagazine@gmail.com . Thanks.