FARCE Magazine is a humor/satire magazine and is to be taken lightly, or with a laxative.
Edition 48
January 28, 2019
Comics:
From the web (source unknown)
From my Brain:
A young Arnold Schwarzenegger, growing up in Austria and having a fondness for classical composers, would invite friends over to play and they would pretend to be composers.
"Franz, " Arnold would say, "you be Beethoven. Lars can be Handel. I'll be Bach!"
QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the newly elected Representative from New York's 14th Congressional District, recently claimed that "the world will end in 12 years". Do you agree?
"Well, I think, the facts on this are evident and mutually reassuring to those who possess a keen hindsight for technical climate findings in that the assurity of it all is so appealingly transparent that it can only be perceived through the lens of 'why are we here?' and the, of course, the natural follow-up would be to , umm, ask, you know, whether weather, in it's current or future state, may, umm, well, really be in a state of livability for those people most affected by climate twelve years from now."
-Current Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi
"That is so true! AOC is wonderful, isn't she? I'm getting my brows knitted to look just like hers and I'm getting the same glasses that she uses to make herself look smarter than she really is and I'm stocking up on that Stila "Stay All Day" Liquid in Beso lipstick she wears all the time that makes her look like she cares so much just for me and my free college."
- Maryanne Givmemore, 18 year old public high school student.
"My goodness, really? Well I just hope that George R.R. Martin finishes Game of Thrones before that!"
- Literally Every Single Game of Thrones Fan Ever
"Well, at least no one will have to hear Alexandria O'Crazio-Cortez say anything stupid after that."
-Actor and Twitter Conservative James Woods
Acknowledgements:
E, in fact, DOES equal MC squared.
Unreported AP (Asocial Press) Headlines:
NFL Owners, in response to public activist outcry for more minority representation within it's coaching ranks, seeks to hire more non-minority players to balance player representation.
Bernie Sanders set to launch second presidential run after receiving assurances that Hillary Clinton will not, in any way, be involved with the DNC, do any campaigning anywhere at any time for any presidential candidate, will not write any op-ed piece wherein she suggests that she lost because Bernie supporters left her in the wind after she innocently stole the nomination from him in the rigged-for-her primaries, will hold no press conferences, and, in fact, he would simply prefer her to stop breathing for the next 20 months.
NY State Governor Cuomo celebrates passage of the Reproductive Health Act by tossing babies from the One World Trade Center building in NY City.
George R. R. Martin says there is no way that he can finish Game of Thrones before the world ends!
Disclaimer
No actual babies were thrown from the One World Trade Center building. That we know of.
There are only 2 factually accurate statements in this edition (other than the disclaimers) and one of them is completely stupid. True, nonetheless.
Contact the editor at farcemgazine@gmail.com
