Edition 12 Week of March 24, 2012

 MOXIE Politick       by Shawn Raymond

Humor

Three Sisters

Three elderly sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, shared a house together. One evening, the 96 year old sister went upstairs to take a bath. As she put her foot into the tub, she paused. Then she yelled down to the other two sisters and asked, "Was I getting in the tub or out?"
"You dern fool," said the 94 year old. "I'll come up and see." When she got half way up the stairs she paused. "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old sister was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea and thought, "I hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She shook her head and called out, "I'll be up to help you both as soon as I see who's at the door."


Southern Smarts

Three Southerners and three Yankees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Yankees each buy a train ticket and watch as the three Southerners buy only a single ticket.

 "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Yankee.

"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Southerners.

They all board the train.

The Yankees take their respective seats but all three Southerners cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Yankees see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Yankees decide to copy the Southerners on the return trip and save some money (being tight with money, and all that).
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the Southerners don't buy a ticket at all.
 "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Yankee.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Southerner.

When they board the train, the three Yankees cram into a restroom and the three Southerners cram into another one nearby.

The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the Southerners leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Yankees are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please..."


FARCE Magazine is a site for non-syndicated comics and humor material. If you'd like to submit your work to FARCE Magazine simply query the editor at farcemagazine@gmail.com .

Edition 10 Week of March 12, 2012

 

 Moxie Politick

Humor

A Dad's Role

My two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance. "I look like Mom," said my nine-year-old, "but I have Dad's eyes and Dad's lips."

The six-year-old said, "And I look just like Dad, but I have light hair." Then she turned to me. "Mom," she asked, "what does Dad have to do with us being born anyway?"

Her older sister jumped right in. "Don't be silly. Dad is the one who drove Mom to the hospital." 

Stupid, Stupid Dangling Participle!!

Or, what you meant to say was not what was heard!

 

- The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10", with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.

- The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.

~ Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.

- Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.

- The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.

- We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.

- Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears.

Would you like to contribute Humor Material to FARCE Magazine? Contact the Editor at farcemagazine@yahoo.com .